Steve Jobs

I feel like a bad guy now for not updating this blog. This week flew by very fast and I would love to stay in my home town for more than one week actually, because I get here good food and I can read. But enough about the personal things on this post.
I actually became very interested in Steve Jobs. I thought I will neglect the book eventually that I got into my arms this week. But I am already in a middle, even though it is thick as a bible and I didn't have much time (I have to prepear for the upcoming test), but I cannot take my arms off it. His personality is one of the most interesting ones I have ever came across. He was smart but he wasn't a computer geek, he was rather charming, but also kind of bully. At first I was like reading and could not get a point why he was so important in our history, he seemed rather like a bad guy to me. But after a while I started realising that he was just a little bit different, that's what I like about him. And also a handsome one while being young. This is a difficult personality, but check him out if you haven't got across him yet.

This is one of his amazing presentations of the first macinstosh ever created. He worked so much on this project, but apparently it was too slow. However this computer now is one of the best in the world as I recall.

What are you planning?

I've been gone for a while, but I am back. These few past days I was very depressed and I didn't want to radiate these feelings anywhere, also I felt happy not turning on my computer, especially that I had plenty of stuff to do. I spent time with mine and my boyfriend's family, we ate A LOT. Since we are saving a lot, we don't actually get to eat so often and such delicious meals. But now I feel kind of fat. We also thought of starting jogging, but today and yesterday was extremaly (?) windy and you knwo how much I don't like wind. Even though I spent so much time outside, I cleared my brain without PC and in a half fresh air. I totally loved it, and also I visited my grandmma with my family. Spent time with my sister and did so many interesting stuff. I even tattooed a little bit yesterday, I hope to show you the results later (maybe). What else? It has been a great time, except my little depression.
I even bought this blouse:

Also, I wanted to buy a short home-coat, because they seemed so cosy and very comfortable. I found one from "Marks and Spencer". Very happy about it. 

I've been wanting to read this book for quite a long time now. I heard good and bad things about this person, yesterday, when I brought it home, I thought I am not gonna like it at all. But apparently I do and quite a lot. But it's damn thick, I hope I'll be able to finish it during my free time this week, because we don't have to go to university. Also, what are you planning on Halloween?

Oops

I did not have much time to write. It feels horrible though to be studying and being busy but not having much fun, I am just hoping in the bottom of my heart that it will pay off eventually. But who gives a crapp?
However I will start with the more positive not, I've been tattooing  today and stuff. I also, as you may rememebr, tried to dye my hair blonde. At the end of the day i did not like the outcome. My hair looked thinner and I looked like a sweet doll, I guess I am not one anymore. I remember myself getting tired of people calling me similar names. That is why I decided to dye my hair dark brown, I thought I'd look cool. And I go to the store blah blah blah, bought hair dye amoniac free. But then I took of the towel I noticed my hair was black. I thought I was mistaken and waited until it would dry off, apparently it is black :D I laughed and was worried at the same time. I never wanted to go to black ever again, the color was so similar to dark brown, that is why I had to read, it was "light black" on the box :D sseariously, man. But people seem to like it a lot, I myself really liked it, but I am afraid I will loose some of my features or style details. Anyways, the hair seems to be so thick, I am not sure how to deal with it anymore hahaha

This is a really bad quallity pic. But as you can see I look strange and hm... not sure haha

You've got Mail

Tonight I watched the movie "You've got mail". Actually I didn't expect it to be as good as it was. I really enjoyed it even though it was a romantic movie. Since I really love Tom Hanks, I personally think he is one the best actors in the world, but somehow I haven't thought of him when I got this movie. After all I realised almost all of movies where he acts are great. I don't know why I loved it, watch it yourself I guess. I miss Christmas and it reminded of this particular holiday.
Anyway, I hope you will like it as much as I did.

Are you curious?

If you are curious - yes I did dye my hair. But I am not ready to show the pictures yet, because the result is not accomplished after all. I think I need one more time of dyeing my hair. But I am very happy already and I look nicer, at least people who saw me said it. Also I am happy I did not go to see a hairdresser for this, because she would've dyed my hair with bleach powder, which ruins hair. And the consultant also offered me to buy the bleach, but I refused, because I've been there, you can't dye any other color on bleached hair, so I did dye my hair two times already and it looks great, but It needs few touches of coloring. But anyways, I think I'll keep it for now. I was almost crying though when I first saw my wet hair, I looked almost ginger, but it turned out to be not so ginger. Anyways, I am hopping you are having great time. I am such a lazy ass today....
I won't leave you without any pictures, I know my posts are irrelevant with the pics, but I promissed you to show the pictures the photographer took of me, so here are the last ones I believe. Enjoy or not. I did not like them as much as I expected, but only because I don't like myself in them, not the quallity or composition.

I like this one most I believe. 

Tomorrow is a day...

I ma a little bit tipsy so I am not up for anything at the moment. I bought hair dye and I hope they will work as it shows on the box, because the ends of my hair is exactly like a picture of it. Maybe I am not tipsy though, I should be drunk considering my writing speed. So, tomorrow, I am guessing you will see what comes out of it, if I will find a courage to do it. Although I feel so tired of my current hair situation. I just hope not to look trashy, that is why I bought ash blonde color. I don't like that ginger color what comes out of bleached blonde color or platinum, and it says on the box that it is amoniac and peroxide free (hope so), I don't want to have any business with bleacheed hair never again, it felt like a prison, because I could not grow my hair long and it was just not right. However if it won't work I will dye it my natural color again or something darker. Wish me luck, guys :)
Since I am a bit lazy, I am choosing to post here a photo of my latest tattoo.
Goodbye for now

I am cold and numb

I actually had too much to post, so that's why I didn't post at all. But now when I am back home and sitting here, drinking hot tea, I don't know what to write about anymore. It feels a little bit forced, especially when I am a little bit upset with life. I really wanted to post something what I created recently in my head mostly, but I feel too cold, too tired and too hungry. I woke up this morning too early (I mean, I was too dumb to understand that I had plus one hour until the bus leaves and only I realised this, when I was standing in cold outside waiting for another bus to come), I got cold and felt so numb. I realised how much I don't want to get up early and go to work, which I don't like. That is the point why I am sad, because I don't have much clients now and if this little business of mine will be over soon, I am thinking of getting a job after the Christmas. It is gonna be sad after all. To leave it all behind, especially that I really enjoy tattooing. But I already pissed all my family and people around complaining about the same issue regarding my tattooing, that is why I don't want to bring up this mistake here and to involve you into my financial problems hahaha.
Also, keep tuned and you will see how I will change my posts a little bit. I hope so. Maybe one or two of them :D but if you already fell in love with me (some of the constant readers) I am  not gonna loose you, right? Even if I will post same shit all over and be poor as fuck?

The tat I did yesterday. I've noticed my lines are getting better, but... Hm not sure

I really liked this view and a shot I did with my Cellphone secretly :) Morning in the bus

My free day

This day was officially my free day, one free day in a week or so. I got this message early in the morning, that the lectures are canceled, I felt so happy. That was one thing I actually needed. Of course if it would happen tomorrow, I wouldn't be dissapointed either. Anyway today was suppose to be my day, girly or whatever you'll call it, just I had one drawing to finish, but apparently my sister is in hospital. She got this huge cold, which turned into something horrible, with puking and all the bad stuff involved. I felt so bad for her and me and my bigger sister instantly went to visit her, but now she is way better. We just had this threat that she is down with a bigger desiese, but we hope she is not. Tomorrow it's all gonna be clear. It just felt sad to leave her like this alone, but life is life. I should eat though, a whole day with shitty food in small amounts - not a good idea. Somehow I've noticed that my family started to "like" hospitals :D one week it's mom, the other one it's dad, then it's mom again and now my little sister. Are you kidding me?
Yesterday after the lectures I tattooed until almost midnight. I like tattooing, I almost never get tired of it. But I wish for more clients now...

This is the result

Today I looked incredibly neat with all the make-up and clothes, that's why I decided to take this picture. Rare occasion :D

Movie time

I am posting here movies almost only for myself, this is like my electronic diary about not so personal things in life and movies are one of them. I like watching them, but only when I have some free time. Since I did everything (almost) for my studies this week, I had first free morning in a few weeks now and I felt so happy. I slept long and had breakfast, after that I decided to watch one movie I've recently got. I drew at the same time and watched "The hours". It's more like phylosophical movie made by Americans, so it wasn't uneasy or difficult to get. There were few lines, liek most of that sort of movies have. But maybe because Virginia Woolf was there (not a real one though :D ) I liked it. I liked the voices in some of their heads and that they would not go after money, the movie itself just wasn't about that. It made my day better, even though, in that sort of movies somebody has to die. But the deaths in there were depicted quite pretty and it didn't make me think about it a lot, like I am used to these days. My English is the worst!!! So, in conclusion I liked it, I would not watch it all over again and for some of you it may seem quite boring, but it's fine and good to watch, especially if you are in a gloomy mood :)
Have a nice day

Need change

I am ready for the change, but I am not sure how and when. I was thinking of dyeing my hair, but I am lost, very lost. The secret is I never liked my hair, I have as some say, Scandinavian or Lithuanian thin simple brown hair, I always disliked it and it breaks my heart seeing girls walking by with natural long thick hair. But as I see this is quite an often thing in Lithuania - natural long beautiful hair. Mine is natural and long - yes. But I am tired of this image of mine, also if you would live in a country full of natural beauties, you would love to do something different. When I started growing my natural hair, it was a rare thing and most of people could not unerstand why I am doing this, but now it is very fashionable. However, I am bored seeing the same view again and again, also, as you may noticed there are a very few blondes left. Maybe that's why I was thinking of dyeing my hair blonde, but not bleach blonde. More like sun bleach blonde. Some say that dark hair fits perfect to me, some say the opposite. Please, someone, tell me what to do haha.
Anyway today I had to finish one project and when I took an hour to rest, I found this girl's blog. I knew her from the past, but did not know her name and a name of her blog. She is scandinavian and she has dreadlocks (which I like on her a lot). I find her quite similar to me, because our hair is the same I guess. But I'd never (never say never) would go for dreadlocks, even though, they look adorable, especially on her :) You can read her blog here

My dream image would be like Poison Ivy

This is me 5 years ago. I had this cute childish face, I missed it so much.

Miserable

Death is always next to us, so I want just to spread something desperate and negative today. I have been lost these few past days. I am used to being happy and active, but now I feel gloomy and fussy. I must say I started enjoying it, since today my sister felt the same way. Also, we are good friends, so we decided to come at my place and get drunk, we invited few people, who arived only later that day, however we watched all day long stupid commercials or funny infomercials (?). That was fun, but we did not get drunk. I guess it's fine.
I just want you to read this article. Even if your life feels miserable and dumb, please, consider the time, when you will be next to dieing and how will you feel then.

Negative post

I never felt so disliked and alone I guess. I think this must be stupid to hear and read, but I feel that way today. There are certain people, who are willing to ruin some of my financial sources and this makes me rather insecure. Also, I am loosing friends or followers in real life and on the internet. I feel like I am totally alone. But at the end of the day I think this might be a good way to get away from society, to start caring just for me once and not for other's people sake. Like I used to live back in the past, I had so much time for homework and thinking. Maybe it's gonna happen again after all. Anyway, life sucks.

Today I have done this tat. I am so not a professional. I realized it when I saw this pic.

Working class heros

My legs hurt so much, but at least I had so much fun today, until some bad news kicked in today, which made me think about death and life and how I want to become myself, maybe also a shining star for some of the people in the world. Why don't we think about this more and keep thinking negative?
But even if so many tragic things happen around, I keep my hopes on, that I will be a positive person and I am happy I am alive today.

We tried so much to continue spreading  happiness, but after few hours of walking and smilling, we got tired and felt so happy when our manager let us go home earlier. 

5 Tibetian exercises

This moment it came into my mind that I don't really give a shit what will happen in a near future. I had so much stuff to do recently that my eating habbits became just eating anything (almost) in a rush. I hope for the better times near in the future, when I'll have a week off studies and my love will have a week off his job. Even though we were thrilled to go somewhere near, like Berlin (because I adore it in Autumn), but unfortunately we are saving for his driver licence and my new laptop, if I will ever consider buying one, because everything I want is damn expensive, like apple or toshiba. Not gonna play more with acer or asus, not temted to purchase dell too. But time will reveal.
So, tomorrow I am gonna be a legal worker for two days. Gonna hand random people in the street paper ads and stuff. Quite boring job and not well payed, but my sister needed some help there so I agreed, especially that I thought I won't have much tattoos this weekend, but apparently I was wrong. There are some and the amount was growing, I had to postpone some, I just have to hope these people are coming back.
One more amazing thing happened to me: since I was a kid I had a back problem, more like a shoulders problem I guess. I did not know how to fix it or even feel better, recently it became umbearable and when I was going to the gym I asked for some exercises for my shoulders but it did not help. Yesterday though I found 5 Tibetian exercises, I tried it and I instantly felt better. I don't know why and how, but it worked like magic. Try it if you have any problems or want to become more felxible and happy :) Cheers everyone.

I am black again?

It feels like shit living like this, one day you are totally happy, then the other day you are not sure what you are doing in this world. But I am very proud of myself, that I don't get emotional as much as I used to back in the past. If I got emotional and depressed I would skip lectures or classes and would sit all day long alone at home crying or drawing and stuff. But today I managed to draw, to prepear for a lecture, to even do some business and meet a friend. She also felt depressed, so I had to be strong and to console her, even though I myself was quite sad too. But, I think that it's the autumn's fault. We feel like we are gonna be half asleep for the rest of the year now and it makes us feel unhappy. That is how I see it.
Yesterday I bought a black wig. I figured that I will buy a long hair wig, because I would be able to chop the rest of the hair how I want it, because the other bobby wigs were with a really strange haircuts. So I thought I'll do it myself. They don't know shit :D

Some people say that black hair suits me very well. I wish I could dye my hair, but it is not for one day or a month, if you don't want it, you have to figure it out how to deal with it.

Today I am happy

I hope you are well, I am happy that so many good things are happening to me recently and I am back on track a little bit with new comission (?) works, also I am trying my best to study well, even though, I believe, I won't be the best student, because sometimes I just want to relax, go for a walk, meet friends instead of studying.
On second of November there is a quite big party planned. My sister's boyfriend is turining 30 that day and we also thought of celebrating Halloween this year, because it was my big dream to dress up and be someone. So we mixed those two occasions and made one big celebration out of it. I am going to buy a bobby wig. I am looking forward to try it on. But I am not sure if I should buy one from the local store (I am not sure about the quallity of this one) or should I order one, even though, I would have to wait and it may not arive on time (maybe). Ugh. But I am gonna make it through and I will look cool (at least I look cool with the outfit I planned in my head hahaha).
 I was all the time writing and saying the words out loud, that feels like typing, awesome :D and a little bit awkward.

Two more pictures of me was posted on the photographer's page this morning. Well, I don't want to bother or tease you, so when I will be sure that's it, I will post them all. Not gonna apload photos in pieces. But I like the outcome, especially my cold and old looking hands with grapes.

I liked this one, at first when I saw it on FB and did not know that it was me I was willing to "like" it. But my lips look really weird in this one :D 

My studies

Today I had lots of studies related stuff to do. I was happy though I managed it and had some spare time this evening. Even though I should be studying/drawing/reading. But I thought I will leave it for myself. Anyway, I wanted to enlighten (?) you about my studies, what I do and what it is all about. I was ashamed, because first time in my life I had to pay for studies, I've been a quite good student and it amazed me (well, there was a big amount of people who applied), but as I mentioned before I"VE GOT A FREE PLACE after all. I was so happy at the moment, that means, that I will be studying for free. But of course, if someone, who is behind me will get better grades than mine after this year I can be pulled back to the place I was a week ago. But we cross our fingers that it won't happen. The secretary said if I won't have any debts I may be staying in this place even if someone would be better than me (but not sure yet). So, today I signed the agreement and I felt so free. And a little bit happy. But a lot of work is ahead, the masters degree is a tough one, even if I start doing well, something always ruins my opinion.

However I got this baby today - it's my second student's ID. It opens so many good ways to you, like you travel by bus half price. You can make an international one too and use it around the world. 

The weekend

Excuse me for neglecting you. Yesterday the internet was gone, also I was working all day long and today I was driving back and forth, from town to town. When I got to where I live now, my boyfriend after work took me out to walk through amazing park. What can I say, I really love autumn, I felt so happy and in love too. But I got home and started worrying about money and that I don't have much tattoos in the future. If I will have to get back where I started with no income at all, I will be so sad and very poor.
But on Friday I got some amazing news, since I got into my studies (the amount of people, who applied was very big) I had to pay for my studies. I saved during the summer and payed for the first semester and I got a letter this Friday, that I won't have to pay for my studies anymore, because I got a free place. At that moment I was so happy, I jumped and made invisible guns. Also, I tattooed all Saturday. I wish I had more tattoos though, because I am getting so good at this :(

It took me almost 4 hours straight to do this tattoo. 

Perfect teeth team :D

Autumnal forests and parks

You've got to love the ducks

This is a preview of the upcoming photos. My combat boots in the background

Those exhausting days are over... But the more exhausting days are just around the corner, considering that I am gonna be tattooing during the weekend too. Today I met my friend from the sewing school, I am not sure why we became friends, but she is so sweet and I relax being next to her. This comforts me a lot. We went to a caffee I saw so many times passing by, but never had money, time or a friend to go there. Today I had all of those free things, so we went there, spent 4 hours chatting and then I had to go to the lectures.
But this evening my bf had his lectures too, so we came home together in the dark. A very nice evening occured, until I became hysterical about my ugly face hahaha. Also met some friends while walking home, they invited us to celebrate a birthday, but it was way too late and we felt too tired, also, of course, it's dark and cold.... brrr....

I wish, I wish

I wish we could move out to other apartment, I feel so awful living here: the neighbour is an alcoholic, the stare case is a mess, this apartment is a mess, once I got stuck in an elevator; today I could not unlock the door and to get in our place, becaue the lock seems to be really bad; it's far away from the old town and I hate it here. I know it's cheap, but we've been searching for a place to live for about a month and it seems there are no apartments available in Klaipeda. We thought we could manage staying here for two more years and after those years we both are thinking of getting away somewhere else. None of us like Klaipeda anyway. But now it seems this place is going out of control, the neighbour's mother died and he is an old man, who likes drinking apparently and not alone. he brings a bunch of people into his place and they are very loud, last night he turned on really bad music while I was struggling to sleep. I hate the guy, he is messy and loud. Anyways, it feels like a big dream now and also our financial position would not let us renting more expensive place. Also one room apartments are very rare and very wanted.
But today I decided to be more happy. I even meditated and felt better about the stuff going on around.

While writing this post I found new band. I like it.

Photoshoot

I was asked to be a model for one photoshoot for about a month, because we could not get together for a long time. There is a photographer who wanted to portray me as an artist (well, I am one) and maybe add something beautiful. She booked the make-up artist, but I could not get there on time, so I did my make-up myself. I was pleased by the results and I think I will definitely use this tutorial on youtube again. Since I did not have any lectures today, we met. What can I say, she does some really great pics and I am looking forward to seeing the results, especially that she took photos during the prettiest month of the autumn. But I got so cold (I had to take my coat off) and I cannot still get warm yet, even though it's more than hour since I am back home. I hope to see the pictures soon, but she seems very busy, so don't expect it within two weeks. I don't think I will look there good, but... for the art's sake. haha. I am so cold and so tired, but I still have to finish analize something for tomorrow's lectures, because before them I need to see one friend, who has been asking to meet for quite a few weeks now. Time flies so quickly.
Goodbye, my babies <3

The assistant got so excited that we were almost over with the shoot haha

My unfinished painting