Sunday

I ended this weekend not as I intended to. However it was amazing. We gathered together me, my sisters, our boyfriends and some friends (I didn't know them). I didn't go to Kaunas to visit my friend Justina though, because she got sick, but we're thinking about meeting next weekend. Even though I am  not sure if I will go. But we spent time really great.

Weekend mini shoot

Yesterday was a quite great day atcually. I haven't been spending any time alone for a half of year now and it felt great to be mostly alone for a whole weekend. Despite few people I had to tattoo and my parents. But it's not the same anymore. And I went for a walk alone, took some shots (of myself). I took my tripod, however I forgot to take a little part which gose between my camera and a tripod. Therefore I was carrying it around for nothing. And my camera wasn't charged, so not much to show. Not a good and prepeared photographer.

So, I was wearing my black dress with white collar from "the cult label". Unfortunately I already found some disadvantages, for an instance that it is way too short :D If I would've been wearing leggings, my ass would've show most of the time. But oh well, it will be good during summer I guess. 

Diamond

It's really nice weather outside, but I am detached from my best friends and loves today. Therefore I am not sure of what I am gonna do today. I think I should study, but the weather outside is worth not studying and going out.
Today I tattooed a little bit. Now I am off to help my mom and then we will see.

One of my last tattooes planned.

I am doing a research on leather awesome (man) bags/rucksacks. Can be with studs or spikes. Not sure if I ever find a perfect one for myself. Any suggestions? I already combed etsy :D

Red Roses

I am still struggling you guys. However I am trying to wake up and be more positive. Today I met with the guy, who I tattooed back when I started tattooing. I did a chest piece for him and now we did a little text and some red roses. Oh, how much do I love tattooing roses, you could not imagine. I love the straight lines, all the shadows and stuff. Felt great to hold a tattoo machine again, even though my hands were shaking a little bit at first :(

Sad and mad

I am wondering if anything good will ever happen to me in life. If you would ask me today, I would probably so no. I wish for this "transition" from nothing to nothing in my life will pass through soon. I always expected so much from life, but I got nothing after all and it kind of sucks. But the sun is shining, I had walked a lot today. Now I am of to the lectures.

These are few drawings I did recently. Both of them are unfinished and suck

AAnd me being sad and mad

Scared of the Future

I am feeling like these studies are trying to finish me. I wasn't feeling too good, as you may remember, those few past weeks. However Yesterday I totally lifted my spirit up while reading some travel blogs. Half of the night before going to sleep I was dreaming of awesome countries I want to visit, especially USA now and I was too ecxited to sleep. Also knowing that this weekend I maybe will se my dear Friend again after few monthsr of not seeing her. I woke up with this quite strange and maybe at some point beuaitufl mood, but I got to the lectures and it toally finished me :D We are counting a lot and on Tuesdays and Wednesdays it is unbearable. Today I did not even get a single thing. I am not actually sure where will I go if I will fail at these studies, or what will I do with Art bachelor degree. Awesomness. I am thinking of volunteer work, because you can find so many places where volunteers are wanted. I would love to go to Spain at first, to continue studying the language. After all maybe it wouldn't be so sad.

I kind of like this hair color on me now. Would not want to go back to black

Resurrection

Yesterday I took a day off of internet and some people. I can sometimes do that and I like it, because I felt way better. I do not care that I don't have much job anymore, I just try to enjoy my free time. Also, I shouldn't have any free time now, I should start studying and writing my science project anyway.
Yesterday though I spoiled myself by going to the library, because I was so cought up with Simone de Beauvoir and her "The second sex", because it's a really big book and aside from that I was reading few other books. So I got tired of books full of information, because It's all I read recently, therefore I took a Tolstoy's "Resurrection". I love Russian realism so much. And I adore Dostojevski + Tolstoy + Chekhov. And I like the book a lot. So I was so much into it yesterday. Also we are rewatching "The Office". Don't actually know why haha.
We are still planning on going to USA this summer. I don't know, anything can happen and all the plans can get ruined. However I am so happy that we had to get electronic edition before buying tickets, because apparently my passport expiered. I did not know that passport has different validity than my ID card and I did not use it too much these past years. So yesterday I ordered a new one and now I just have to wait. To wait until the passport will be made, until we get electronic editions and then buy tickets. Then to save money again, and just go haha. I am so looking forward to this summer if everything will go as planned.

My weekend

This weekend was suppose to be awesome, it was in reallity. But inside of my mind I had this huge fight and felt terrible. Therefore my all weekend was more likely awful than awesome. Basically we had to celebrate my boyfriend's birthday yesterday, I had to spend titme with my sisters and apparently to participate in a photo shoot, of which I got to know almost the last day. Anyways, I did everything I requiered of myself this weekend, but I still cannot feel any satisfaction. Why? Maybe because I don't have a lot of tattoos, I don'y have money and I look terrible in all the photos. I am just hopping I don't look like that in reallity. I mean the photos and make up were alright, but seeing yourself in some other light is not what I intend to do right now. Also dark make up does not suit me, because my face is very dark itself :D

I totally look like I am not me. Well....

He got a go pro camera from me. His all time dream haha

Military jacket

Hey babes. I've been up and down for few past days, but I am holding on. I am so happy though that I had some people to come to me and say - "hey, it's gonna be fine." Also thankful for my friend Justina, who  invited (or I invited myself most likely, because she does not have money to come to Klaipeda) to Kaunas and I am gonna tattoo her + her friend. And I believe we will spend time greatly and awesome, like most of the time when I am with her. Also tomorrow is my Love's not official birthday, his Birthday is on 23 th, but we're gonna celebrate (I hope so) it tomorrow. And then I'll show you his gift. I liked it myself too. But we're gonna celebrate it simply with his family, because we are saving money for USA. We have money for the tickets, but we will need soooo much more.
I've been saving a lot and never stopped doing that, however last night I ordered an awesome jacket, I've been wanting for ages. Like literally. I looooove military jackets so much. But coumuflage is not what was I looking for, I wanted navy blue jacket with golden stripes. I found one very affordable, vintage jacket in an awesome condition. I needed jacket so much and I found a vintage one in a good condition. I would've have to buy one anyways, but it would be even more expensive and it would be ruined almost instantly. I had so many similar experiences.

It was the closest of what I was looking for. I am just hoping it will fit me well. I looove military jackets, omg.

I suck twice

I am actually dreading for tomorrow this day. First of all I am not totally recovered from my mini "depression" (I just really dislike this word) and also today I (at last) joined gym. I was postponing it too much and I realised I cannot save money and be unhealthy. I chose to start living and even if I am not too happy about my life right now, I will try to make it better. So I started exercising and it felt great, but I am dreading for tomorrow, because I know how muscles hurt after that sort of activity. I am just hopping I'll be able to wake up from my bed. Last time I attended real gym (not my exercising at home gym) I could not properly work the next day and I really was about to cry when trying to wake up from bed, the legs were so sore I barely could walk.
Yesterday I felt like it's getting better a little bit. I met my older sister, we chated for few hours in a cafe. I got to draw one work for money and I am trying to do my best with all the time managment. But I am still very sad because of the lack of tattoos and this spring really sucked the life out of me. Well... Things happen (bad things). I also lost one of my best friends I guess, but who is counting? And oh I suck again at my studies.

Before Midnight

Few days ago I watched a movie I was willing to watch since it came out, it was "Before Midnight". This is I wanna say the last piece of a movie trilogy "Before the Sunrise" and "Before the Sunset". I am guessing not a lot of people like these movies, because there are no acton at all. But I loved all 3 movies, especially first ones. They met few decades back, when they were young. Fell in love during the night. Then the decade past and they met again. And now they have two children and just keep living normal lives. The thing which I like in these movies and especially in the last one is the reallity and no bullshiting. I hate movies where only pretty women act and everything seems so wow and amazing, because in life it's most of the time simple. But this beauty hides in simplyness. There is not much to say about this movie though, you have to see it yourself. I am giving it thumbs up, it was tasteful for me and I liked it.

Buddhist Monk Child

At last, I took a pic of one of the latest tattoos I did. Almost healed. Anyways, I tried to work with no lines. And also I kind of do dark tattoos as I can see. But whatevz.

We both agreed this child will have no sex. Even thoug this is most likely to be a girl. Which I like :)

Stephen Hawking

After a week of struggle I feel a little little bit better now. My sister wrote me this morning and invited to visit our parents. So we went. I had a blast watching planes with Paul's brother and keeping a track of them. That was amazing. But this is not what I want to talk about. First of all I wanted to thank a few readers that actually payed attention to my poor state. I felt so...strangely loved I guess. Most of my friends actually totally forgot me, but apparently some strangers care about me even more sometimes. And it felt so great knowin that people in this world is actually all brothers and sisters. Sounds like I am a Christian haha.
One person actually also inspired me to wake up this morning and keep going. It's Stephen Hawking. I never thought I will pay attention to the guy. I thought "Well, he is considered to be the smartest guy on planet now living. This can't be right.". But I watched a movie and I got so inspired, so even blessed with this amazing personality of his. I know he is not a perfect human being, but travelling into the space while sitting in a wheel chare sounds pretty much awesome to me. Also this human figure seems never to give up, while not being able to care for himself. In some scienes I even felt some tears dropping on my hands. So, I guess you should watch it  yourself. Well, he is so inspiring, I have no words. And I thought that we have both hands, legs and can move any muscle in our bodies, but we can't achieve shit in life. What is wrong with some of us? With people like me?

Fuck my life

Well. I have been absent this whole week or so. I have no excuses. Only that I am in some kind of deep depression. I am always unhappy. I totally dislike myself, life, people and things around me. I tried to change my hair color. I even achieved a great ash blonde which I wanted so much. But I hated it. yhe hair seemed thin und ugh. sick.

Only in this pic it looks great, But in reallity it really sucked. I also got invited into the club to see a really awesome band tonight, but apparently I can't go.  So I am back to brown for a while. and then we will see... 

Broke broke broke

I could not feel worst at this point of my life. Unless maybe some of my loved people would die. But this feels like a death of something within me. If not my own soul. I feel empty, not in the mood to do things. I feel like this is going to the end. My, for an instance, tattooing. I counted so much on that and I left with nothing in the end. Also I feel locked in my apartment with no money and a small amount of food. I don't have anywhere to go. All of my friends abandoned me and my sisters already have their families and jobs (what I don't have). We're planning on going to USA this summer, I have no idea how will I gather the money for spending time there. I am sitting here, never felt so bad in my life, wondering what else is waiting for me (most likely nothing). I am so not in the mood to get up and go to the lectures. I am sure that I am gonna read a book if I am going there.... yesterday I was about to shave my head at last. But I was drunk as fuck.... Well, I am broke, guys. And nothing good can come out of this. I am sure it's better not to sare this information, but I don't have to loose a damn thing, because I don't have nothing at all.

I really like this song today

Today I wish never to be born

Fuck you all

I need Job!!!!

It was a free day here in Lithuania. We suppose to celebrate our freedom and be happy. I liked that people in Lithuania are waking up a little bit, hence getting out on the streets, wearing scarfs with flag colors, or just driving a car with a flag attached to it. I really liked it and feeling like people are falling in love with their country.
Since I don't have any more tattoos (almost), maybe it's the end, maybe not, therefore we got out today. Me and my love went to watch some birds and to get some fresh sea air. I was free of my lectures today and it felt great, but I'll have to catch up a little bit with that. Anyway, so we went back by foot. That was my desire and in the middle of the path I thought we should visit my older sister. So that's what we did. After that we went for some groceries and then I gone wild. I bought grey blouse for exercising from H and M (I will try tomorrow to go the gym and ask what's the price) and an awesome bra with black I wanna say stripes. That would be a great day if I would feel great inside. But on the other hand we planned a little bit and we are thinking of USA idea.... this summer. Not sure though :(

This spring is one of the hardests for me and my psychology. I am just hopping to get well soon. I need Job!!!!

Unhappy

I am so tired of these war threats, because of that I cannot stay calm and enjoy weather changes, also I've lost all of the clients. I totally started to get the main keys of tattooing and enjoyed it in the fullest. Now I lost everything. Everybody seems so unhappy, I cannot even tell.

This is a drawing I did yesterday while I was sad and grumpy. I wasn't even in a mood fixing it. Not most of the people get how frustrating is to live in that sort of country. No money, threats and scared faces all around.

Spring

The sun is shinning, could not feel more Springy, even though the wind is quite big today and my throat is sooooo sore. I cannot remember it to be as sore as it is today. Maybe last spring haha. But I want to get outside so much. Well, I have some work to do anyway.
Today is a woman's day in the world (?). And I woke up to see my love bringing me flowers. That was so cuuute.

Isolated

Hello peeps. What is up? I myself have been spending lots of time outside. The weather is at last bearable, so we keep walking around my home town. Since I had few tattoos planned today and some more business here. However I feel not too well recently. Feeling too not free and also hopeless at some point. I always said that it is a gift to be an artist, but also it comes with a huge price. You most of the time feel mopy. Or too excited. Well, I try to adopt Buddhist view in life more. But as you may see I am a total failure.
So, my oldest sister at last got a job and this week was her first one. She is working in a hospital, as she was dreaming about. She is a real psychologist now and I could not be more proud of her. Also she is getting married too (like my little sister), but it will happen next winter. Looking forward. My little sister also got a job. So I am feeling kind of empty, left out and as always a white crow in a family. I don't have a formal job, I only tattoo on my spare time (don't have too much job recently), I still fucking study and I am stuck haha, and not getting married.

Today's tattoo. Originally all the sides weren't even or straight, but I ended up doing them more straight, so now it looks awkward. I also tattooed my Bf recently, but only gonna show the pic when it's healed this time.

It's enough

Enough about the Ukraine, about world war 3 and shit like that. It seems that I cannot run from propaganda. People don't get it that it's fucking awesome for government to make you feel insecure, scared and unhappy. In any way, you shouldn't think about war yet until it didn't come. I don't have a TV and I try to read the less I can, but somehow this fucked up information just comes to you itself. For an instance I am going by bus and the driver is listening to the news on highest volume. I mean can a human being just live hers/his life? Some idiots with foolish armies play strategic games and we all suffer. For what actually?
So, please, shut the hell up for your own sake. Because it only makes you feel unhappy. I can see unhappy people all over the place and it's wrong. Enjoy today.

I did it!

Last night I prepeared for this extream thing for me. I am not a huge fan of penetrating anything into my skin, I am even kind of afraid of needles. Even though I had like 10 piercings back when I was a teenager, I also have one tattoo and I am tattooing myself. Therefore I thought of this amazing opportunity to finally tattoo myself. I chose to tattoo a foot, because i Did not think I could finish it. I was right about the pain, it was ridiculously bitching. I wanted to smack something because of it. Especially on the middle of foot. One side wasn't that bad. That is why my tattoo doesn't look too compleate.

Also you may know about the situation in Europe at the moment. First I was afraid, I was panicking and almost praying, now I feel Like I totally lost the track of what is happening. And it feels great not knowing what is happening for real. Because I hate politics, they don't give a damn about nothing and no one, except themselves.