Negative post

I never felt so disliked and alone I guess. I think this must be stupid to hear and read, but I feel that way today. There are certain people, who are willing to ruin some of my financial sources and this makes me rather insecure. Also, I am loosing friends or followers in real life and on the internet. I feel like I am totally alone. But at the end of the day I think this might be a good way to get away from society, to start caring just for me once and not for other's people sake. Like I used to live back in the past, I had so much time for homework and thinking. Maybe it's gonna happen again after all. Anyway, life sucks.

Today I have done this tat. I am so not a professional. I realized it when I saw this pic.

Working class heros

My legs hurt so much, but at least I had so much fun today, until some bad news kicked in today, which made me think about death and life and how I want to become myself, maybe also a shining star for some of the people in the world. Why don't we think about this more and keep thinking negative?
But even if so many tragic things happen around, I keep my hopes on, that I will be a positive person and I am happy I am alive today.

We tried so much to continue spreading  happiness, but after few hours of walking and smilling, we got tired and felt so happy when our manager let us go home earlier. 

5 Tibetian exercises

This moment it came into my mind that I don't really give a shit what will happen in a near future. I had so much stuff to do recently that my eating habbits became just eating anything (almost) in a rush. I hope for the better times near in the future, when I'll have a week off studies and my love will have a week off his job. Even though we were thrilled to go somewhere near, like Berlin (because I adore it in Autumn), but unfortunately we are saving for his driver licence and my new laptop, if I will ever consider buying one, because everything I want is damn expensive, like apple or toshiba. Not gonna play more with acer or asus, not temted to purchase dell too. But time will reveal.
So, tomorrow I am gonna be a legal worker for two days. Gonna hand random people in the street paper ads and stuff. Quite boring job and not well payed, but my sister needed some help there so I agreed, especially that I thought I won't have much tattoos this weekend, but apparently I was wrong. There are some and the amount was growing, I had to postpone some, I just have to hope these people are coming back.
One more amazing thing happened to me: since I was a kid I had a back problem, more like a shoulders problem I guess. I did not know how to fix it or even feel better, recently it became umbearable and when I was going to the gym I asked for some exercises for my shoulders but it did not help. Yesterday though I found 5 Tibetian exercises, I tried it and I instantly felt better. I don't know why and how, but it worked like magic. Try it if you have any problems or want to become more felxible and happy :) Cheers everyone.

I am black again?

It feels like shit living like this, one day you are totally happy, then the other day you are not sure what you are doing in this world. But I am very proud of myself, that I don't get emotional as much as I used to back in the past. If I got emotional and depressed I would skip lectures or classes and would sit all day long alone at home crying or drawing and stuff. But today I managed to draw, to prepear for a lecture, to even do some business and meet a friend. She also felt depressed, so I had to be strong and to console her, even though I myself was quite sad too. But, I think that it's the autumn's fault. We feel like we are gonna be half asleep for the rest of the year now and it makes us feel unhappy. That is how I see it.
Yesterday I bought a black wig. I figured that I will buy a long hair wig, because I would be able to chop the rest of the hair how I want it, because the other bobby wigs were with a really strange haircuts. So I thought I'll do it myself. They don't know shit :D

Some people say that black hair suits me very well. I wish I could dye my hair, but it is not for one day or a month, if you don't want it, you have to figure it out how to deal with it.

Today I am happy

I hope you are well, I am happy that so many good things are happening to me recently and I am back on track a little bit with new comission (?) works, also I am trying my best to study well, even though, I believe, I won't be the best student, because sometimes I just want to relax, go for a walk, meet friends instead of studying.
On second of November there is a quite big party planned. My sister's boyfriend is turining 30 that day and we also thought of celebrating Halloween this year, because it was my big dream to dress up and be someone. So we mixed those two occasions and made one big celebration out of it. I am going to buy a bobby wig. I am looking forward to try it on. But I am not sure if I should buy one from the local store (I am not sure about the quallity of this one) or should I order one, even though, I would have to wait and it may not arive on time (maybe). Ugh. But I am gonna make it through and I will look cool (at least I look cool with the outfit I planned in my head hahaha).
 I was all the time writing and saying the words out loud, that feels like typing, awesome :D and a little bit awkward.

Two more pictures of me was posted on the photographer's page this morning. Well, I don't want to bother or tease you, so when I will be sure that's it, I will post them all. Not gonna apload photos in pieces. But I like the outcome, especially my cold and old looking hands with grapes.

I liked this one, at first when I saw it on FB and did not know that it was me I was willing to "like" it. But my lips look really weird in this one :D 

My studies

Today I had lots of studies related stuff to do. I was happy though I managed it and had some spare time this evening. Even though I should be studying/drawing/reading. But I thought I will leave it for myself. Anyway, I wanted to enlighten (?) you about my studies, what I do and what it is all about. I was ashamed, because first time in my life I had to pay for studies, I've been a quite good student and it amazed me (well, there was a big amount of people who applied), but as I mentioned before I"VE GOT A FREE PLACE after all. I was so happy at the moment, that means, that I will be studying for free. But of course, if someone, who is behind me will get better grades than mine after this year I can be pulled back to the place I was a week ago. But we cross our fingers that it won't happen. The secretary said if I won't have any debts I may be staying in this place even if someone would be better than me (but not sure yet). So, today I signed the agreement and I felt so free. And a little bit happy. But a lot of work is ahead, the masters degree is a tough one, even if I start doing well, something always ruins my opinion.

However I got this baby today - it's my second student's ID. It opens so many good ways to you, like you travel by bus half price. You can make an international one too and use it around the world. 

The weekend

Excuse me for neglecting you. Yesterday the internet was gone, also I was working all day long and today I was driving back and forth, from town to town. When I got to where I live now, my boyfriend after work took me out to walk through amazing park. What can I say, I really love autumn, I felt so happy and in love too. But I got home and started worrying about money and that I don't have much tattoos in the future. If I will have to get back where I started with no income at all, I will be so sad and very poor.
But on Friday I got some amazing news, since I got into my studies (the amount of people, who applied was very big) I had to pay for my studies. I saved during the summer and payed for the first semester and I got a letter this Friday, that I won't have to pay for my studies anymore, because I got a free place. At that moment I was so happy, I jumped and made invisible guns. Also, I tattooed all Saturday. I wish I had more tattoos though, because I am getting so good at this :(

It took me almost 4 hours straight to do this tattoo. 

Perfect teeth team :D

Autumnal forests and parks

You've got to love the ducks

This is a preview of the upcoming photos. My combat boots in the background

Those exhausting days are over... But the more exhausting days are just around the corner, considering that I am gonna be tattooing during the weekend too. Today I met my friend from the sewing school, I am not sure why we became friends, but she is so sweet and I relax being next to her. This comforts me a lot. We went to a caffee I saw so many times passing by, but never had money, time or a friend to go there. Today I had all of those free things, so we went there, spent 4 hours chatting and then I had to go to the lectures.
But this evening my bf had his lectures too, so we came home together in the dark. A very nice evening occured, until I became hysterical about my ugly face hahaha. Also met some friends while walking home, they invited us to celebrate a birthday, but it was way too late and we felt too tired, also, of course, it's dark and cold.... brrr....

I wish, I wish

I wish we could move out to other apartment, I feel so awful living here: the neighbour is an alcoholic, the stare case is a mess, this apartment is a mess, once I got stuck in an elevator; today I could not unlock the door and to get in our place, becaue the lock seems to be really bad; it's far away from the old town and I hate it here. I know it's cheap, but we've been searching for a place to live for about a month and it seems there are no apartments available in Klaipeda. We thought we could manage staying here for two more years and after those years we both are thinking of getting away somewhere else. None of us like Klaipeda anyway. But now it seems this place is going out of control, the neighbour's mother died and he is an old man, who likes drinking apparently and not alone. he brings a bunch of people into his place and they are very loud, last night he turned on really bad music while I was struggling to sleep. I hate the guy, he is messy and loud. Anyways, it feels like a big dream now and also our financial position would not let us renting more expensive place. Also one room apartments are very rare and very wanted.
But today I decided to be more happy. I even meditated and felt better about the stuff going on around.

While writing this post I found new band. I like it.

Photoshoot

I was asked to be a model for one photoshoot for about a month, because we could not get together for a long time. There is a photographer who wanted to portray me as an artist (well, I am one) and maybe add something beautiful. She booked the make-up artist, but I could not get there on time, so I did my make-up myself. I was pleased by the results and I think I will definitely use this tutorial on youtube again. Since I did not have any lectures today, we met. What can I say, she does some really great pics and I am looking forward to seeing the results, especially that she took photos during the prettiest month of the autumn. But I got so cold (I had to take my coat off) and I cannot still get warm yet, even though it's more than hour since I am back home. I hope to see the pictures soon, but she seems very busy, so don't expect it within two weeks. I don't think I will look there good, but... for the art's sake. haha. I am so cold and so tired, but I still have to finish analize something for tomorrow's lectures, because before them I need to see one friend, who has been asking to meet for quite a few weeks now. Time flies so quickly.
Goodbye, my babies <3

The assistant got so excited that we were almost over with the shoot haha

My unfinished painting