Saturday

It's Saturday night and somehow I ended up a little bit drunk. I hope I'll get sober soon, I would love to draw more. We celebrated my sister's engagment, but somehow it ended up not so good as it sounds. So I am here alone trying to hook up some movies for myself.

And today I tattooed...

New computer wanted NOW

The whole day today I spent studying things I shouldn't. I watched a bunch of documentary movies online and read a lot in a book store. I felt the massive amount of information landing on my shoalders. But at the same time it can be  heavy as hell. I must say, I spend quite a lot of time getting new inofrmation, but I still feel so dumb, what is this? Am I spending too much of time reading useless crapp? Just a retorical question.
I feel no need to be on any social sites though. Also because my computer (poor thing) is crashing down. I feel so sad, it was a good friend for almost five years now, this is amazing. And it still would work great if it wouldn't be too old to carry on such a big amount of information. Also I cannot listen to the music via youtube while surfing on the internet at the same time. This is so sad. I hope I'll gather the money somehow (yes, I still have a secret dream about USA, that is why I don't want to spend money on PC). But If I'll need to, I'll have too. Computer is too important for my work and studies. Ugh.
Since my boyfriend is working in a shop of technology, so today I spent a half an hour choosing PCs. Of course I wanted "apple", but in Lithuania that would be too difficult to carry on. The problem with programmes and similarity. So I actually got my eye on "Sony" this time. We will see. After Christmas maybe :)

I really want my new computer to be pretty for sure. My current one is very boyish and it feels like a heavy brick

Fussy

I haven't got any inspiration to write anything. I've been to all places, it's like a rollercoaster these few past days. I am going from a person to the other person.
Today I met again with my new friend, but I was too fussy and the conversation was all around my new sister's thing. Apparently, my other sister got engaged. Big news which I got through my friend. So we invited her to the caffe we have been spending time and then went for some pizza. I am really happy for her actually, this is what she wanted and it always makes me happy when people get what they want. My little sister is getting a cat too. I am so excited and I must say I am waiting for it to become a friend of ours too. I will visit it and, I guess, buy some treats. Big news for my sisters. For me is that I got my Zanotti shoes. I did not expect it to arive so soon, but I was thrilled. Though the tounges (?) of the shoes is not the one which was on the picture. But I checked and apparently it's normal. Also they are kind of too big for me. But other stuff fits great. I also did not expect them to be from real leather. That amazed me. In a sum I like them.

Today I was maybe fussy a little bit because of not spending too much time at home. It was a good week though. But I have to start working more on my tattoos and of course studies.

All day long

Hi there. those really intense friendships take so much time, wow. I almost forgot. All my friends are living far away from me or we meet rarely, and I got used to seeing my friends not so rarely. But now it's almost every day I meet my new almost best friend (?) or other friends in general. Ugh and it takes so much time actually, also I don't know how to be alone anymore, as I wrote before. But, enough about that. I will later post something more interesting. Only it's a pity that the recent movies I've seen were quite horrible.... Ugh...

Today I spent a whole day in a coffee house. Omg, I might be waisting my time but that was cosy and very lovely to have a loooong chat with her.

Wanna be alone?

It feels a little bit forced, but I feel a need to write too. That puts me in a difficult position of wanting both things at once. I know I'll start with all the same sentences, but most of the blogs have their structure and can feel a little bit similar and the same too. Maybe that's a key to a succes, or the opposite haha.
One strange thing happened to me this year, I realised I don't know how to be alone anymore. I go from a person to a person and if I get a night off people, I constantly (almost) chat with them online. I am seariosuly thinking about a little bit time only for myself. But I might be having too much of work, so, no free time alone for me. But I honestly think we should be alone from time to time, even if for a half of day.

The tattoo I did today. 

Birthday party and shoes

Yesterday was nice. Me and my sister went out to buy her shoes and thanks to God, she found the pair she liked. It was difficult though :D she is a shoe maniac. Well, I am not myself. as you can see in a picture below, my shoes are dirty and old :D

After that we headed to the party, I also took my boyfriend with me too. That was an amazing birthday party. And I ended up drunk again, like most of the time I am out. I mean, it was only few glasses of white wine. But I spent so much great time, I met new people. And It was fine. But today I am not feeling so great. But I have to go to my home town to tattoo and do my homework.

Little smokers

Friendships are fragile

I wanted to make a little break this week from my studies. I know I can't do that now, but who cares? Some of the lecturers are sick and do not participate in the lectures, so we spend our leisure time as we want to. Today one did not come, so me and some of my course mates went for a walk in the nocturnal city (well, ir was only 5 p.m., but already dark, of course). Anyway, recenntly I get this strange feeling, that my thoughts are very strong, because anything I want at a time, I get it. We went to a park and my one of the best friends now live next to it, I wanted to meet her, I even thought of inviting  myself at her place. But I hoped I'll see her there walking her dog, and it did happen. I felt so happy, therefore we went for a cup of coffee, that ended with a long chat. After All, I think our thoughts are very strong and that I should believe and insert more positive thoughts in my brain.
Anyways, this friend of mine is becomming something special to me, but at the same time a friendship feels so fragile. It can end anywhere and anytime. That scares me. I have like this huge experience in breaking up with friends best friends and I tried to protect myself from the heart ache the recent years. But at the end of the day I realise that you have to try, even if you will loose. Yes, I have friends, but I do not let anyone so close and I feel like I am breaking my own rules now. I hope this won't end bad. Wish me luck on that.
P.S. Tomorrow we are celebrating her birthday. I hope it will not continue during a whole night, like it almost does with her.

I started wearing thinner clothes since I have a warm winter jacket. Yeeey. 

I look like an alien here

Hope hope hope

It is starting to feel a lot like Christmas. It became dark outside almost instantly. However I am not happy about this holiday anyway. I missed being a child. I did not need to write the exams right after the Christmas or New years, that is my newest concern. I ama ctually not in the mood being in Lithuania and studying now. I feel awful. I wish, oh dear God, to start my life in Florida or anywhere bright and warm.
But whatever those dreams. I just want to make sure I'll survive this winter.
Today I have been tattooing my dearest friend again. I invited my sister too, to become a witness of this painful experience. At first she sat like a rock, but then it became unbearable. But somehow we managed to achieve what we were up to and I even did not miss my lecture. This tattoo was her birthday gift from me. Now I will have to attend her birthday on Friday. I hope it will be fun. Hope hope hope

It's a pity I did not bring my camera along. It looked way better in reallity. all lines straight and colors bright.

No Pictures

I feel pretty bumped this weekend. It went rather good, but I am not feeling very well emotionaly and it scares me. I bought a winter jacket though, I promissed myself this year not to buy a coat. They are pretty cold and thin. You'll never find a warm enough coat for Lithuanian winters. Ugh, but I am too tired to take a picture of it. It was a very small selection and I could not find anything good enough. But I found something suitable for my very selective taste :D I am feeling happy that I won't have to be cold anymore.
My boyfriend's cousin arived from USA. She is a sweetheart, but I haven't a pleasure to meet her yet, even though, she is gonna be back to USA by day after tomorrow or so. I hoped we could meet, but it just feels impossible now. Also, she admired my tattoos a lot and adviced to start something up in USA. I wish I could do that, but the visa thing is a horrible deal. However, no one ever banned dreaming. Actually I got so tired of my studies that I feel like vomiting everytime I am in the lectures or doing homework. I feel pitty for myself.
Thank you for attention. There will be no pictures this time.

Not in the mood for talk

I am neglecting people and my responsibilities as much as I can. I know I'll have to face it anyway, but what the hell... I took few days off working with the uni assignments, because I felt that I've done too much already and I was loosing my mind for a while. Tomorrow, after I'll get back from a lot of meeting with new and old people, also buying shit, I will have to face it. Sigh
But, today I was tattooing. Ugh, I keep missing this more and more. It's not about the money. It feels really awesome. But the spot was difficult to tattoo on. Sadly I did not take a good picture. However I'll show you it anyway, because I kinda liked the idea.

And I've got in a drawing mood, therefore I finished this piece

Giuseppe Zanotti

OMG. It happened so quick. I found Giuseppe Zanotti, one of my most favourite shoe designers of this year (I mean, I knew his shoes before, but did not know the designer's name), and I found shoes 3 times cheaper than the original price. They are damn expensive. BUT my boyfriend ordered them for me, I promissed to pay him back, but I also thought this could be my early Christmas gift. Will see. And now I am like a little kid, jumping around and laughing. Shit, those shoes are damn amazing, expensive but awesome. I just hope the sizes are allright and shit. That would be too dissapointing. OMG. I lOOOOOOve them.

The back is amazing. I am telling ya

Wish me luck with the waiting and that the size would fit me well.

Quick note

Hi, bunnies :) I just want to leave a quick note to show for the small piece of the world that I am still alive. Have been studying a lot lately and I am very tired. But tomorrow (I hope) is the last day of studying this week, even though I'll have to read a bunch of books and so on.

I am kinda falling in love with my new hair color. But I know I will want it to become slightly lighter. More like dark bron/black brown

Knowledge

Recently I am hooked up on documentaries. But you may remember that last year at the same time I watched like a tone of documentaries too. Maybe my brain loves autumn. Somehow at that time of the year I feel a need to start studying and to give some practice to my brain.

But the documentary was about Buddha's life I watched last night. The worst thing, as far as I am concerned, is that I can't find anything new about Buddhism or Buddha himself. Everything seems the same. The same information all over again. But I found some good aspects of it, while I am watching or reading about Buddha, I tend to start feeling joy and I want to meditate all day long, and be happy of course. I am even planning for few years now to go to any kind of Buddhism center, or camp during summer. But of course you have to have money and a courage I guess.

Also, me and my boyfriend started a free course at Yale. We now are listening to some of the lectures for free, this is amazing. I love studying a lot. But I love tattooing and drawing more. Therefore I realised I have to get back on track (but this will happen only when I am finished with this week's university assignments and tests!). But at last I got my hands on the dream book. You may remember it from my previous wishlists, and I've got it, at last! It is called "Color and Light" by James Gurney. An awesome book. Last night I had some free time and I started reading it, I felt an instant desire to draw and paint. But I can't do it whatsoever this week. :(

And now I am off to do my assignment. Today I have this big representation to finish.

I hope you are having a wonderful time. 

I was aiming for the sky, ended up fell on on the ground (?)

I became a lazy ass. Ugh. I wish I had some energy for important things ahead, but I don't. I also wish I was able just to quit everything and to travel around the world. To find a place and a subject which would fit me well and I would be happy afterwards. I know happiness is somewhere very close, maybe even in my head. I used to be a happy person actually. Maybe it is just a big transition in my life. And I'll get up with a better attitude. Hope so.

Today I took some useless selfies. Trying to find a place under the sun. And now I am off to uni.

People keep telling me that I look better with black hair. I sometimes hesitate, but most of the time I like it too.

Hi stranger

I am so not in the moood to write. The fucking internet is blowing up my damn brain today and I hate it. I cannot load any of my fav songs and I have to listen to an old crapp I had on my computer. I am so mad. Jesus. Ugh. I've noticed that the system wants to just suck your money out and to make you spend them all. It means you have to change a modem and pay more money. Even though the internet bills are almost cosmic for me. But us Lithuanians are very used to quick internet connection and using (?). And this costs. Yep.
Today I have been tattooing. I am so happy when this happens. Yeay.

Like always, I could do it better. But it was way too painful for him

Little party

Hi there. I do meet you today with a lack of enthusiasm. Somehow every time I wake up after any kind of a party, I feel dirty and such a badass, that I did not do anything good during yesterday (for an instance). Today I feel the same. Few days ago I felt that I was sick, I could not attend the lectures, even though I struggle not to miss anything. that is why I felt so terrible. But my physical state was so bad, that I just could not get up. Yesterday though I had to do my homework, but I ended up with my sister and my friend drinking again. Especially if you would know me personaly, you would understand that drinking booze is not my favourite thing to do and not the best thing I can do too. But somehow this week was with too much of it. So I woke up today feeling normal, that was one good little party, but somehow I ended up feeling like shit that I don't do the things I should do. I feel like a horrible person now :(

P.S. Yesterday I was watching a documentary about "Dark Charm of Hitler" or something like that. That was very interesting actually.

The broken circle breakdown

Tonight we saw an incredible movie. It is called "The broken circle breakdown". I have to admit I got choked up, as my love, I believe had too. But it was too dark to see.
 I never saw any Belgian movies I have to admit. But I want to tell you more about it. The movie is divided and there are few time lines. But this is not the main feature. There was a tattoo artist and a musician, they met, they fell in love. She joined him during the concerts. She also felt that she was pregnant and they eventually had a baby girl. They lived happily, when the little girl got sick with the cancer. Of course, she died. But the movie was so realisitic, that in one scene I even felt anger that this little girl died. I even imagined all the pain the parents went through. Of course after that the main troubles began. It was sad and the end was even sadder. I really liked the actors, totally down to earth, the male actor is a real musician, so it wasn't difficult for him to empathize. Also, I am not a big fan of country music, but I loved the songs they performed. The movie is touching and totally amazing. If you have few spare hours and you are not afraid of crying, I suggest you to watch it.

Party!!!

On Saturday I participated in a most rad party ever. Put it this way - it was awesome. I danced so much, therefore my muscles hurt so much even after two days. I drank quite a lot of beer to keep my mood up, because my boyfriend could not come and keep my company. But instead I had a company of few girls and a bunch of people generaly. I think I will illustrate it via pictures. You'll get a point.

First of all I dressed up as Cleopatra. My first idea was to be a Japaneese girl or simply geisha, because I have a cimono at home and I thought I'll save the money. I already bought this wig, when I still had my natural hair. But when I put it on I realised I am far away from looking like a Japaneese girl. Lets face a true my eyes are too big and too round for that. And spending time in cimono wasn't a pleasing idea either.

Somehow I put this picture in the start. This is just a tiny piece of the group. But we don't have a photo of all of us together. This was the morning, when we were all with ruined make-up and very tired.

This is one of my best friends kissing me. We spent soooooo much great time together. We danced like sooo much and kissed.

There was a food fight, which I did not expect to occur. My sister's boyfriend got a "star wars" theme cake and he ruined it all. I actually haven't tasted it a lot. 

Povilas is in a photo above too, one of the newest aquaintances ((?) did I spell it wrong?), of course he jumped in the water with his clother. But the screeming was so load that I lost my voice for a few minutes. 

He pretended he was eating my face

I liked Ieva's make-up a lot. I wish I had something similar done on me.

Me and my sister haha

Dancing

I tried to ruin every single photo

All covered in cake

I don't know who took this. I remember only that I left dancing alone, because some of people were in a bath-house, some were smoking, some eating. It seems that I like dancing a lot :D

In a sum, it was one amazing party. Pictures would never portray it and the feeling was great. Some of people were ashamed of what they did during it next day, that even means it was good :D

Cemetary

Hi, Friends. I have a dumb question for all of you - have you ever experienced a desire to become any kind of criminal? Or do something illegal, maybe to get a tattoo or just to dye your hair and shave one side? I am in that place these few past months. My thoughts were so intense that I actually had some troubles with police, I dyed my hair and now I am constantly thinking about a little tattoo on my wrist or hand. It feels like only those things or getting drunk and shouting in a piblic can make me free now. I am most of the time busy working, tattooing, studying and I can't find time for interesting stuff. But hopefully today's party will be succesful. Even yhough I don't feel a big desire to go there. But I have already promissed.
Yesterday was a Soul's day (?) in Lithuania. I adore this day. I am a big fan of cemetaries generaly and when the candles are all around, the weather is gloomy, it makes it perfect. I wish I could chat more, but I have to study, and to pack my belongings, also to go to Klaipeda, to meet friends and go to the party. I wish I had more time today though and I am not thrilled with the idea of leaving today, but life is life.
I wish for you not to get sick haha :D because I already have a sore throat

Some unphotoshoped pictures 

I started to doubt if I look really good with this hair color

The past few days I spent so much time with Paul's family. I love this pic