Another Buddha

I wish I had more time, but today was amazing. Not amazingly good and like unrepeatable, but quite awesome. Maybe because of my attitude. I decided to become a more calm person with a more positive mind. Recently I've noticed I became one of those jerks, who think that everyone around is awful, except me. But this is not how it works. You have to invest in yourself.
I hate one thing, that my blog is all the same. I mean my language, my style of writing, the shape of the everyday posts and photos. I hope to change this in a near future, I know it won't be easy. I need to learn more words in English.
I am also searching for a perfect, not to cheap and not expensive black dress with white collar. Anyone maybe have something to offer me. Esty, ebay and amazon could not help me yet, I hope the dress will find it's way to me after all :D
Today I did so many unecessary things, but one thing, which I liked doing was tattooing. I tattooed my love today, we want to finish his lower leg and we put another Buddha on the globe I did looong time ago :D So... this is it. Only that I will have to put some white color in this Buddha before I will take a better pic, but I forgot to take white color with me...

Inspiring person

I adore finding interesting people, maybe because I don't feel one myself recently. But also because I can seek for some inspiration for my apparance, lifestyle, books, music and other things...
Here is one girl I found today. Yes, her looks made me interested in her, but her personality is awesome too, of course, I don't know her personaly.
You can follow her here on tumblr: tentaclesandteacups

I really missed times like this...

Sociopath

This is starting to become a freak show to me. My recent clients are mostly jerks, who think I have plenty of time and I am available at any time, at any day and at any week. Also, they think they can reschedule their appontments any time they want, even if you have planned everything. If I had plenty of money, I would tell those people to fuck off, but when you don't have any, you have to think before you say it... I wish tough, I had money...
Also, this is becomming too cold to live. I don't remember a year, when autumn started so early. But shit happens. I have to calm down, if not, I will become a sociopath.

Last night I remade this tattoo for a fella. It was an old uneven, faded cross, so I did some imaginary rays (?) and made it black, also put some red color and wrote those words. Well, he insisted that the words would be like this. I didn't like the bottom one a lot.

I am boring, it's so depressing

Oh my Lord, I need some free time. Today was nice though, we celebrated my mother's in law birthday, I did a tattoo for a very important client (and remade one). But I have no photos, I did not have time for this. Also, my mother is in hospital and you like have to be in two places at once. She felt really bad two days ago, so she was taken to the hospital. It feels like crap, when your own mother is in such a pain. But I Feel like I grew a thicker skin during time.
Anyways, I ate some delicious dishes at last, I felt awesome after such a long time almost without food or eating crappy shit. I feel so sad, that I actually took no photos of anything. And that I am so boring, I don't have much to tell, because everything I do is working and doing business. I also am trying to help my mother in law and I have to write an essay for her. I am so silly... haha.

These are two pics I posted recently on IG:

I always wanted to show this pic I've got in my album, I found it long time ago at my grandmmas. It looks like a person's soal is trying to escape from the body.

And this is me and my little sister. I remember myself as a kid and that I thought I look so pretty in this picture :) and of course, my sis looks like a doll here.

Sad

Recently I started to not having any more plans for the future, I started to just want to survive. Yes, you heard me correctly, I have such a small amount of clients that somedays I think I am loosing my "little business". There is almost no way to find a job while studying, because you must choose (I mean, there are no good jobs available and job + studies = disaster in Lithuania, because you have so much stuff to do, oh an + few tattoos a month now). It all feels like the previous autumn almost, the only good thing is that my boyfriend has a job, if he would not, we would probably die from a hunger and other stuff. But, I am happy for the opportunities I've got in my life, that I made my dream come true and that I have a possibility to get a masters degree. And now working non stop, I wish this working and studying thing would give me something valuable in the future, but... You'll never know. Also, I don'w want to loose it all what I have created yet, I love tattooing, I wish it was my job. And having all the normal jobs with horrible hours and such a small salary scares me so much: difficult studies + full time job = hair loose, bad achievements in job and in studies, almost no sleep, bad health and horrible life.
This weekend is my mother's in law birthday, I hope we will spend some awesome time together, because I love this family. Also, again, gifts, so expensive. Damn it. And maybe a cake after all this stress. I am worf it. I haven't got a minute to rest this week.
Next time I'll post something. Today I did all the work that has been postponed and so on. So, not much to show...

This post is so crappy, please, don't read it

I want to write something significant, but sometimes it feels so hard. Most of the time I feel dissapointed of myself, like I would be some kind of freak: I almost never reach my goals (maybe now I do it more, but back in the past it was all about dreaming). Some people really think you live a perfect life, but this kind of life (when you have good parents, friends, a loving boyfriend, sisters, money, a hobby, diploma, talents or whatnot) is a sacrifice. I do not consider it perfect, don't get me wrong. But according to the rest of people it is and you cannot complain about nothing.... It is a sacrifice according to me, because you never get enough, you always want more, you don't like anything you draw, paint, write... It's never enough. Even if you are considered to be beautiful, you always want more. Like when I was a kid, I remember people going by our street and admiring me. Or parents' friends... And you get used to it. You get used to people telling you are pretty and beautiful, even if it is not true. And then you get obsessed with it, you are never satisfied and it's never enough. You try everything to look more beautiful, or to get more money, or to get more aplauses. And this list can go on forever. And if you are not getting any of that, you start to rott inside of yourself. Maybe it's a little bit satiric (?), but I am telling the truth.
Like when I was a kid (somehow I was a clever one) I knew everything good you get cannot only be a blessing, it also can be a curse. All the most talented people in history had so many psichological problems, they suffered from so many diagnosies. Some of them were narcisists, some evil geniuses, some with low self esteem, the list is long. Are you one of them? If yes, you do have a huge problem.
I would not say that there are simple people and special... That would be stupid to claim it that way. But, I do think that some of people are up for something bigger, and some of them can get a satisfaction from living a more simple life. But those who look special to you, you seek their approval, they are the ones who need help or most of the time everyones' approval. You have to understand, that any kind of fame or big money, or a big talent, or anything special never comes with only good things, it brings so many bad stuff too.
I am a bit tired of some people thinking, that having it all solves any problem in your life. I personally think that only people who are truly happy with what they have are mostly buddhist. There is nothing beautiful in a "special" person trying to get through, or having "it all", or being all and stuff. They are still unhappy. So what? Maybe the person, who is eating a cheap soup alone at home, with no money in the pockets and maybe no proper job (or a bad one) is sometimes happier than a "special" person, with amazing talents and an amazing body, who wants to have it all and it's never enough for her/him. And the first person is just happy that he/she got this bowl of soup and never whants to break through, does not care if she/he is attractive and living in the fucking moment....
This post is so crappy, please, don't read it. It's more like my diary post with a really bad English.

My days are busy busy busy :) but at least tonight I've got back home very cold and my boyfriend brought pizza, we watched the last episode of the last "shameless" seasson yet created and I was so warm and happy. I think I should consider doing more fun and awesome stuff, but... sometimes it's too difficult. I feel like driffting away from this blog, my readers, my friends. Simply because I don't have much timw :(
Anyway, this picture tonight made me laugh so hard.

Hey you, guys. It's been a while, wasn't it?
The good thing actually this weeks was that I have few free days from university and I already feel free. I shouldn't though, because I have few big represantations to make. But whatever, instead today I was tattooing, eating pizza and shopping with my sister for gifts. We also visited H and M shop, which opened the previous weekend. At last, we've been waiting for something special and simple as H and M is. It feels awesome to find there things you have been looking for. But I think that too many people are gonna be shopping there already, so... Clones.
Anyway, I am glad I am writing again and being here...

This is not a H and M collection, this is a shop you probably don't even know, but I love this dress. Even it's too expensive and I wouldn't wear it often, so I did not buy it...

This is the tattoo I did yesterday. This is how actually you say "thank you" to your mom...

Folks in our crappy apartment

Negativity

Today was harsh on me. I am not a big TV fan, because when I get a chance to watch it I immediatly become sad and horrified by people who live around me.. Today I had a "pleasure" to hear a story about a raped 17 years old girl who was burned alive in a back of the car, with the whole car. And, this is not the end of the story, she seeked help, called the emergency number, but they could not locate where she was calling from, because, according to the police, she did not have a SIM card in the phone. This is illogic, because, first of all, none of the criminals would be so stupid to take only the SIM card out and give the cellphone back to the victim, also she sent a message to her friend (How could this happen without the SIM card?). Are you kidding me? This made me so sad and I want to treat those criminals so bad, I would want to burn them and also cut off their balls. Enough with the bad news.
Some days like this, though, I wish I wasn't living on this planet.
Today I got tired during the tattoo session, I tattooed my new guy-friend and he is all coverd with my tattoos, so I did not take a normal picture, because we are meeting again next week. I got so tired actually listening to all this crap and bullshit today. This day was quite pointless. And also I need a new laptop, but I don't have money yet. And I think I won't for a long time....

This is how our society looks like. 

I am almost done!

I am so busy!!! And very very tired. But next week I will have some tattoos (This weekend too) and less lectures and no deadlines. But this weeks was so terrible, I kind of hated it. Today is the last report and I am done with this week's work, except weekend tattoos, but it's like a cake for me now. I feel so tired and unhappy because of the rain, cold weather and today's lectures. They are boring, very difficult and I will have to present this lecture for which I had to work for about a half of week.
Anyway, soon, the next week I am gonna start more blogging, more pictures, more tattoos and fun :) At least I hope so.... Don't forget me.

This is my last drawing I did. One night I realised these studies cannot change me, I will still be an artist. But then this happened :D I think I should draw more.... 

COOOOLD

These days.... I feel so tired and shit. It became cold outside, most of the time it's raining. I even bought ears warmer (?) (wtf?). I mean I have very weak ears and I could not struggle more. Today I bought it and I don't give a shit if it is too early to wear it, I will... even if people will look at me like I am an idiot.
So, I've been very very very busy. I remember myself being so busy one year ago, when I attended university and sewing classes. It's been tough and I haven't been sitting today too. I am so happy being there now, even if our home is a fucking mess and it does not feel cosy.

Today I let myself to rest for about an hout before the lectures and I started, also finished this book in a book store. I liked it, but it's too expensive for that little information. It's more visual....

These are my warmers I bought today. I feel awkward already wearing it at the start of the autumn. 

Palanga

Today I planned to do so much, but all my plans just faded. My sister got her plans to go to Palanga for a job interview and I offered to come along, even though I have plenty of homework and things to do. I did not think that it will take a whole day long. So we went there, she did what she was supposed to do and we headed to the main street of Palanga, we grabbed some coffee and went for a walk on the famouse and loved bridge. It was all cloudy and gloomy, but the weather was rather perfect, it wasn't cold, even a little bit warm. Just a little wind in the air. We talked out all our problems. After the walk we went back to Klaipeda and had some delicious pizza. After the pizza went to my appartment and had some tea. Now I am sitting here and forcing myself to do my homework. I am so lame. Like my English is.

I don't know, even if we have so many problems in our lives at the moment, we still feel so happy. I mainly feel like it, because I have this opportunity to make my life better and I do a lot of amazing things.

So much stuff

I am so sorry I haven't been here a lot lately. I was so busy.

My sister got her eyebrows tattooed and I watched the whole procedure. Also this girl and I decided to communicate, because our jobs are very similar. She also wants to get a tatto from me :)

I really love the autumn. Amazing.

I want to live in Vilnius very very much!!!

I've seen Dalai Lama alive and from quite close :)

I got really tired this weekend, but it was amazing. Tomorrow I am going to Palanga, but I have so much homework to do for my studies.... ugh....

Mixed up post

Ok, I am trying to get back on track, but I don't have much of the time recently. I will try to mix things together, so don't be mad on me. First of all I will love to share that we actually at last bought a waffle maker. That was a big decision for us, because we don't buy almost any housewares, we are one of those :D and we did it, we had some delicious waffles.

Niom niom niom

I also recently rediscovered one of the best TV shows I have ever seen. I started watching it like half year ago and I suddenly stopped. Now I am on again. It is called "Shameless" and I really like it the way it portrays "white trash" life and how sometimes it feels impossible to break through. (My English is so bad!!!)

Oh, and tomorrow I actually will see Dalai Lama for the first time in my life!!! :)

Oh Gosh, it really has been a while I posted anything. I had so many things to deal with, that's why I was a little bit lazy. This master's degree is quite a toughy but I am doing great. We will see though how it will end :) I will post here some pics and explane maybe my few past days through the:

as you can see I have like a half of hair left :D

So we went to this little town with a gothic church in a middle of it, because my sister had some business there, so we decided to take some shots. The place is amazing, this town has two awesome parks and we visited one of them. Well, it's been a long time we thought about the shoot there, but this time it wasn't so great, so we decided we will get back. We weren't ready, we both felt awful and the lightening was more than awful.

This is how tired I looke without make-up and during the studies :D

So, today we met with some course mates in a library for a meeting. I took some managment books, but I could not resist and took the one about philosophy. I am so thrilled to read it.

Sweetest perfection

Today I was only working with my tattoos. At least I will be able to pay for the trip to the capital city to see Dalai Lama and even get some food on the way and during the week :D I am not sure where my life is heading to now, it seems chaotic, I don't know who my friends are anymore, it feels like I don't have a real family anymore and I am a little bit lost, with my studies, the place where I am living and or should I stay at home and help my mother to cope with her problems. Please, somebody help me!

I think anything on her amazing belly would look amazing

And today I actually met a guy who is a body builder. I love this job

Weekend

These new studies start to piss me off. I will be so happy to end them either way. Even during my free time (weekends) I have to worry about shit.
I have been tattooing today, it's been a while (since I was sick, I could not tattoo) and my hand was shaking a little bit, I thought it will turn out to be a shitty tattoo, but it wasn't so bad. I sometimes really believe that it is gonna be shitty after all :D ok, enough with the jokes. I am not sure what to do next, I have so many options, but I don't like none of them, even some kind of celebration is in the town, I was invited, but I wasn't in the mood to show my face off in public. I'd rather go to the forest. Maybe...

Today my mother actually bought me these shoes. I mean she was sure I will like them and yes, somehow I do. Even though I know they will be ruined soon ;)

Last night I went through old my stuff and I passed through so many my old cool drawings. I realised I wasn't as bad as I thought I was at the time. And I found this skull, which I placed on my sketchbook. Now it looks cool ;)

I did this tattoo on my ex classmate. 

Flea market

So, I am in my hometown today. It felt amazing after a two weeks break from my biological family. We came with my older sister, so we spent a whole day together and after this post we are going to drink some wine, with her friend and our mother, this really sounds amazing. Also chocolate is in order, just because some of the girls feel fucked up, therefore I will get some chocolate.
These days were difficult but also ecxiting. I started my master's degree studies in some point I even started to like it and we will see how much time it will continue. Also the week is left until we will see Dalai Lama alive, also I've got some kind of proposal to make something for a hair group on DA. That felt amazing, you know how concious I feel about my hair, and I never thought it could be amazing for anyone. But apparently there are people who think they are GORGEOUS. Even though now I have a huge cirisis about it, my hair started falling out because of the autumn and it feels horrible.
Anyways, today me and my sister also went to the flea market. She never liked them and now I could not get her out of there. I myself bought an old coat and a Marks and Spencer cool black blouse. The cout itself reminded me of old sex and the city episodes, first ones. And it looks great with my combat shoes and loose hair, also something black underneath it. But in the picture it mostly look like a coat of a homeless person. It was made in UK, feels like a good quallity wool coat ;) but very heavy

I am sorry for my deformed face

Blaaah

Just a quick update for my dear readers. This day was contravercial and quite exhausting, I felt my brain lazy waking up today, even it was a really first day of my lectures. Only one thing consoled me, that there are quite a few artists and none of my new course mates are actually related to business at all. Where are philologists, a dancer, engineers and what not. So, maybe I won't be able to finish this particular master's degree, but at least I'll try. This is just a first day and I am already pesimistic. Blah. I was sitting during the lecture and I though I'd rather study phylosophy (I love it) or any kind of art. But life is life, I kinda didn't have much choices and if I will graduate, I will feel like I did something huge. If not, I decided I'll go away from Lithuania and start living my life for fuck's sake :D

I am not a fan of pop music, neither a fan of Adele, but somehow today I remembered this song of hers, I used to like it and I still do.

Storm outside

The whole week when I could not actually go out it was sunny and very hot, I almost felt like a damn prisoner. I was so happy when I thought that today I will go out, I wanted to put on high heels and my lovely new black thin coat or even a skirt maybe, but apparently, I woke up and there was a mess outside. Like it actually started raining with some kind of ice or whatever. Today is basically a start of new studying year in Lithuania and I thought I'll go to meet my new course mates and professors, but I found a timetable (at last) on the university's official page, so I decided I won't go. This weather freaks me out and I am lucky I can stay at home, because I thought I will have to go there in order to find out what our new lecturers are and when they start. They actually freaked me out a little bit, all of them are in the evening, are they nuts? It's good it's not far away from my home, but on the other hand it's safer to take a bus, even though in my case it's more than dumb. So, anyway, I did put on make-up anyway today.
Yesterday we actually had an amazing super together and an amazing bath with a few glasses of wine. Then the movie.

I wore no make-up for a whole week. whoa

Blue Velvet

I've been posptoning to watch "Blue velvet" for a whole year at the moment. Today I figured that it's my last free day ever :D so I should waste it haha and I actually got this movie. You know where are some movies you have in your list and you don't want to watch, like "Pulp Fiction". But "Blue velvet" disappointed me somehow, maybe I was too busy cleaning my nales and drawing, but they should've keep me interested. The movie is old, acting is poor and the plot is not my favourite. So, all the "Blue velvet" fans, I am sorry, I did not like it and I don't want to watch it ever again. Thanks God I did it at leats I know it wasn't good as I expected. On the other hand I know that movies like "Pulp fiction" and "matrica" are amazing, but I cannot pull myself together for 3  or more hours of this serious business.
Yesterday we watched a movie "Elegy", there is Penelope Cruz in it and I am fascinated by her beauty and curves, also by her acting of course. Well, I kinda liked it, but it could be better. At some point I found myself yawning a little bit, even though it was interesting, something was missing. But It wasn't bad :)

P.S. Today was a first day within 6 days I got out. I felt so alive, but I still feel a little bit sick, so I could not spend lots of time out. Tomorrow I have an important day and some serious business to do.