This post is so crappy, please, don't read it

I want to write something significant, but sometimes it feels so hard. Most of the time I feel dissapointed of myself, like I would be some kind of freak: I almost never reach my goals (maybe now I do it more, but back in the past it was all about dreaming). Some people really think you live a perfect life, but this kind of life (when you have good parents, friends, a loving boyfriend, sisters, money, a hobby, diploma, talents or whatnot) is a sacrifice. I do not consider it perfect, don't get me wrong. But according to the rest of people it is and you cannot complain about nothing.... It is a sacrifice according to me, because you never get enough, you always want more, you don't like anything you draw, paint, write... It's never enough. Even if you are considered to be beautiful, you always want more. Like when I was a kid, I remember people going by our street and admiring me. Or parents' friends... And you get used to it. You get used to people telling you are pretty and beautiful, even if it is not true. And then you get obsessed with it, you are never satisfied and it's never enough. You try everything to look more beautiful, or to get more money, or to get more aplauses. And this list can go on forever. And if you are not getting any of that, you start to rott inside of yourself. Maybe it's a little bit satiric (?), but I am telling the truth.
Like when I was a kid (somehow I was a clever one) I knew everything good you get cannot only be a blessing, it also can be a curse. All the most talented people in history had so many psichological problems, they suffered from so many diagnosies. Some of them were narcisists, some evil geniuses, some with low self esteem, the list is long. Are you one of them? If yes, you do have a huge problem.
I would not say that there are simple people and special... That would be stupid to claim it that way. But, I do think that some of people are up for something bigger, and some of them can get a satisfaction from living a more simple life. But those who look special to you, you seek their approval, they are the ones who need help or most of the time everyones' approval. You have to understand, that any kind of fame or big money, or a big talent, or anything special never comes with only good things, it brings so many bad stuff too.
I am a bit tired of some people thinking, that having it all solves any problem in your life. I personally think that only people who are truly happy with what they have are mostly buddhist. There is nothing beautiful in a "special" person trying to get through, or having "it all", or being all and stuff. They are still unhappy. So what? Maybe the person, who is eating a cheap soup alone at home, with no money in the pockets and maybe no proper job (or a bad one) is sometimes happier than a "special" person, with amazing talents and an amazing body, who wants to have it all and it's never enough for her/him. And the first person is just happy that he/she got this bowl of soup and never whants to break through, does not care if she/he is attractive and living in the fucking moment....
This post is so crappy, please, don't read it. It's more like my diary post with a really bad English.