Another Buddha

I wish I had more time, but today was amazing. Not amazingly good and like unrepeatable, but quite awesome. Maybe because of my attitude. I decided to become a more calm person with a more positive mind. Recently I've noticed I became one of those jerks, who think that everyone around is awful, except me. But this is not how it works. You have to invest in yourself.
I hate one thing, that my blog is all the same. I mean my language, my style of writing, the shape of the everyday posts and photos. I hope to change this in a near future, I know it won't be easy. I need to learn more words in English.
I am also searching for a perfect, not to cheap and not expensive black dress with white collar. Anyone maybe have something to offer me. Esty, ebay and amazon could not help me yet, I hope the dress will find it's way to me after all :D
Today I did so many unecessary things, but one thing, which I liked doing was tattooing. I tattooed my love today, we want to finish his lower leg and we put another Buddha on the globe I did looong time ago :D So... this is it. Only that I will have to put some white color in this Buddha before I will take a better pic, but I forgot to take white color with me...

Inspiring person

I adore finding interesting people, maybe because I don't feel one myself recently. But also because I can seek for some inspiration for my apparance, lifestyle, books, music and other things...
Here is one girl I found today. Yes, her looks made me interested in her, but her personality is awesome too, of course, I don't know her personaly.
You can follow her here on tumblr: tentaclesandteacups

I really missed times like this...

Sociopath

This is starting to become a freak show to me. My recent clients are mostly jerks, who think I have plenty of time and I am available at any time, at any day and at any week. Also, they think they can reschedule their appontments any time they want, even if you have planned everything. If I had plenty of money, I would tell those people to fuck off, but when you don't have any, you have to think before you say it... I wish tough, I had money...
Also, this is becomming too cold to live. I don't remember a year, when autumn started so early. But shit happens. I have to calm down, if not, I will become a sociopath.

Last night I remade this tattoo for a fella. It was an old uneven, faded cross, so I did some imaginary rays (?) and made it black, also put some red color and wrote those words. Well, he insisted that the words would be like this. I didn't like the bottom one a lot.

I am boring, it's so depressing

Oh my Lord, I need some free time. Today was nice though, we celebrated my mother's in law birthday, I did a tattoo for a very important client (and remade one). But I have no photos, I did not have time for this. Also, my mother is in hospital and you like have to be in two places at once. She felt really bad two days ago, so she was taken to the hospital. It feels like crap, when your own mother is in such a pain. But I Feel like I grew a thicker skin during time.
Anyways, I ate some delicious dishes at last, I felt awesome after such a long time almost without food or eating crappy shit. I feel so sad, that I actually took no photos of anything. And that I am so boring, I don't have much to tell, because everything I do is working and doing business. I also am trying to help my mother in law and I have to write an essay for her. I am so silly... haha.

These are two pics I posted recently on IG:

I always wanted to show this pic I've got in my album, I found it long time ago at my grandmmas. It looks like a person's soal is trying to escape from the body.

And this is me and my little sister. I remember myself as a kid and that I thought I look so pretty in this picture :) and of course, my sis looks like a doll here.

Sad

Recently I started to not having any more plans for the future, I started to just want to survive. Yes, you heard me correctly, I have such a small amount of clients that somedays I think I am loosing my "little business". There is almost no way to find a job while studying, because you must choose (I mean, there are no good jobs available and job + studies = disaster in Lithuania, because you have so much stuff to do, oh an + few tattoos a month now). It all feels like the previous autumn almost, the only good thing is that my boyfriend has a job, if he would not, we would probably die from a hunger and other stuff. But, I am happy for the opportunities I've got in my life, that I made my dream come true and that I have a possibility to get a masters degree. And now working non stop, I wish this working and studying thing would give me something valuable in the future, but... You'll never know. Also, I don'w want to loose it all what I have created yet, I love tattooing, I wish it was my job. And having all the normal jobs with horrible hours and such a small salary scares me so much: difficult studies + full time job = hair loose, bad achievements in job and in studies, almost no sleep, bad health and horrible life.
This weekend is my mother's in law birthday, I hope we will spend some awesome time together, because I love this family. Also, again, gifts, so expensive. Damn it. And maybe a cake after all this stress. I am worf it. I haven't got a minute to rest this week.
Next time I'll post something. Today I did all the work that has been postponed and so on. So, not much to show...

This post is so crappy, please, don't read it

I want to write something significant, but sometimes it feels so hard. Most of the time I feel dissapointed of myself, like I would be some kind of freak: I almost never reach my goals (maybe now I do it more, but back in the past it was all about dreaming). Some people really think you live a perfect life, but this kind of life (when you have good parents, friends, a loving boyfriend, sisters, money, a hobby, diploma, talents or whatnot) is a sacrifice. I do not consider it perfect, don't get me wrong. But according to the rest of people it is and you cannot complain about nothing.... It is a sacrifice according to me, because you never get enough, you always want more, you don't like anything you draw, paint, write... It's never enough. Even if you are considered to be beautiful, you always want more. Like when I was a kid, I remember people going by our street and admiring me. Or parents' friends... And you get used to it. You get used to people telling you are pretty and beautiful, even if it is not true. And then you get obsessed with it, you are never satisfied and it's never enough. You try everything to look more beautiful, or to get more money, or to get more aplauses. And this list can go on forever. And if you are not getting any of that, you start to rott inside of yourself. Maybe it's a little bit satiric (?), but I am telling the truth.
Like when I was a kid (somehow I was a clever one) I knew everything good you get cannot only be a blessing, it also can be a curse. All the most talented people in history had so many psichological problems, they suffered from so many diagnosies. Some of them were narcisists, some evil geniuses, some with low self esteem, the list is long. Are you one of them? If yes, you do have a huge problem.
I would not say that there are simple people and special... That would be stupid to claim it that way. But, I do think that some of people are up for something bigger, and some of them can get a satisfaction from living a more simple life. But those who look special to you, you seek their approval, they are the ones who need help or most of the time everyones' approval. You have to understand, that any kind of fame or big money, or a big talent, or anything special never comes with only good things, it brings so many bad stuff too.
I am a bit tired of some people thinking, that having it all solves any problem in your life. I personally think that only people who are truly happy with what they have are mostly buddhist. There is nothing beautiful in a "special" person trying to get through, or having "it all", or being all and stuff. They are still unhappy. So what? Maybe the person, who is eating a cheap soup alone at home, with no money in the pockets and maybe no proper job (or a bad one) is sometimes happier than a "special" person, with amazing talents and an amazing body, who wants to have it all and it's never enough for her/him. And the first person is just happy that he/she got this bowl of soup and never whants to break through, does not care if she/he is attractive and living in the fucking moment....
This post is so crappy, please, don't read it. It's more like my diary post with a really bad English.

My days are busy busy busy :) but at least tonight I've got back home very cold and my boyfriend brought pizza, we watched the last episode of the last "shameless" seasson yet created and I was so warm and happy. I think I should consider doing more fun and awesome stuff, but... sometimes it's too difficult. I feel like driffting away from this blog, my readers, my friends. Simply because I don't have much timw :(
Anyway, this picture tonight made me laugh so hard.

Hey you, guys. It's been a while, wasn't it?
The good thing actually this weeks was that I have few free days from university and I already feel free. I shouldn't though, because I have few big represantations to make. But whatever, instead today I was tattooing, eating pizza and shopping with my sister for gifts. We also visited H and M shop, which opened the previous weekend. At last, we've been waiting for something special and simple as H and M is. It feels awesome to find there things you have been looking for. But I think that too many people are gonna be shopping there already, so... Clones.
Anyway, I am glad I am writing again and being here...

This is not a H and M collection, this is a shop you probably don't even know, but I love this dress. Even it's too expensive and I wouldn't wear it often, so I did not buy it...

This is the tattoo I did yesterday. This is how actually you say "thank you" to your mom...

Folks in our crappy apartment

Negativity

Today was harsh on me. I am not a big TV fan, because when I get a chance to watch it I immediatly become sad and horrified by people who live around me.. Today I had a "pleasure" to hear a story about a raped 17 years old girl who was burned alive in a back of the car, with the whole car. And, this is not the end of the story, she seeked help, called the emergency number, but they could not locate where she was calling from, because, according to the police, she did not have a SIM card in the phone. This is illogic, because, first of all, none of the criminals would be so stupid to take only the SIM card out and give the cellphone back to the victim, also she sent a message to her friend (How could this happen without the SIM card?). Are you kidding me? This made me so sad and I want to treat those criminals so bad, I would want to burn them and also cut off their balls. Enough with the bad news.
Some days like this, though, I wish I wasn't living on this planet.
Today I got tired during the tattoo session, I tattooed my new guy-friend and he is all coverd with my tattoos, so I did not take a normal picture, because we are meeting again next week. I got so tired actually listening to all this crap and bullshit today. This day was quite pointless. And also I need a new laptop, but I don't have money yet. And I think I won't for a long time....

This is how our society looks like. 

I am almost done!

I am so busy!!! And very very tired. But next week I will have some tattoos (This weekend too) and less lectures and no deadlines. But this weeks was so terrible, I kind of hated it. Today is the last report and I am done with this week's work, except weekend tattoos, but it's like a cake for me now. I feel so tired and unhappy because of the rain, cold weather and today's lectures. They are boring, very difficult and I will have to present this lecture for which I had to work for about a half of week.
Anyway, soon, the next week I am gonna start more blogging, more pictures, more tattoos and fun :) At least I hope so.... Don't forget me.

This is my last drawing I did. One night I realised these studies cannot change me, I will still be an artist. But then this happened :D I think I should draw more....