Confession

I am not sure how I am suppose to do all the things I assigned myself for. I am having a little crisis to what is happening to me at the moment. One thing I am sure of is that I want to keep tattooing, even though, this profession is harder than I have ever imagined. When I started 2 and a half years ago, I did not know that is gonna be so difficult, I cried during these years, made myself miserable, I made mistakes and all this I did without a teacher. I wish I had one, because sometimes it gets very tough. These few past days I've been tattooing like crazy, that put me in a difficult spot - I don't always have time to answer all the messages I get, that is how I lose a lot of clients, because they want a fast communication. I don't always have time to work on the sketches they desire me to do. I don't always go with rules whilst communicating with clients. My main concern is the lack of time at the moment actually. I don't think that most of people see how difficult it is to become a good tattoo artist, which I am not yet. It takes all your time, you work non stop from morning to the night. Of course, this does not happen always, but if you have a free minute, you sketch, you draw, you try to get better.
However, my other concern is my fatigue at the moment. I feel a little bit drained and I wish I could go somewhere and take a break. I am tired of people demanding all my attention and not having an assistant who could help me out. I have tones of unread messages and people sometimes get mad or frustrated. I wish they could realize that I don't always have time to even wash my hair or do my nails. And I am not sure if this job is rewarding enough. I wish it was actually, but maybe I am too silent or too humble at a times and I don't get credit for what I do. But I always notice my mistakes and if someone criticizes me, that is like stabbing me with a huge knife in my back. However, I get so many compliments and people do really notice me, and I just take it for granted. Which I hate, I feel horrible.
But I must realize that it is a tough time at my life and I have to keep fighting till the end. If that is not my destiny to be a tattoo artist, I shall relapse and find something else to do in my life. I am so hopping that I am in a right path, however I am not sure if I am. I really need someone to hold my hand through this, to have a teacher, a person who would help me to deal with people or common problems with tattooing, I really need one. But it is not easy to get it. Since this area is so competitive and not much of the artists want to get involved with someone new. Which puts me into a difficult spot - I am a lonely wolf now with my shitty problems :D

The tattoo I did yesterday